Being served divorce papers you did not expect is one of the most disorienting things a person can go through. In communities like Lakewood and Dupont, where many households are tied to Joint Base Lewis-McChord, this situation adds a layer of complexity. Deployments, PCS moves, and military schedules mean life rarely slows down long enough to process what just happened, let alone build a legal response.
The important thing to know right away is that being served first does not put you at a disadvantage. How you respond from this point forward is what counts.
What It Means When Your Spouse Files for Divorce First
The spouse who files is called the petitioner. You become the respondent. In Washington State, filing first does not give your spouse any automatic advantage in how property is divided or how custody is decided. Courts apply the same standards to both parties.
What it does mean is that your spouse had time to prepare before you knew anything was happening. They likely consulted a divorce lawyer, organized financial records, and thought through their position. The goal now is to close that gap as quickly as possible.
Stay Calm and Read the Petition Carefully
The petition tells you exactly what your spouse is asking for. Nothing in it is final, but you need to understand every item before you can respond effectively.
Read through it and take note of:
- Whether temporary orders are being requested, such as exclusive use of the marital home
- What custody arrangement has been proposed for your children
- Which assets, debts, and accounts have been listed
- Whether any emergency or protective orders are attached
If you are an active-duty servicemember who was unreachable when your spouse filed, or if papers arrived during a deployment, do not assume the response timeline is flexible. The military divorce process has deadlines that apply even when you are stationed away from Washington, and missing them carries real legal consequences.
Why Hiring a Divorce Lawyer Early Matters
The single most important step after being served is to hire a divorce lawyer. Your spouse already has legal representation and a strategy in place. Waiting weeks to get your own attorney means making uninformed decisions during a period when every decision carries weight.
For military families in the Lakewood and Dupont area, hiring a military divorce attorney matters for reasons beyond just the standard divorce process. Federal law, mainly the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act (SCRA), provides legal protections for active-duty servicemembers who cannot participate in court proceedings due to military duties.
Under the SCRA, a servicemember can request a stay of proceedings, but this protection is not automatic. It requires a formal legal request with proper documentation.
An experienced divorce lawyer will help you work through:
- Washington laws on residency to divorce in the military.
- In which jurisdictions should one file a military divorce, in case duty stations make it difficult?.
- The impact of military retirement pay and benefits on property division.
- Divorce rights of military spouses in terms of benefits and support.
Review the Issues Raised in the Divorce Filing
Washington is a community property state. Most assets and debts accumulated during marriage are subject to equal division, and in military cases, federal law also governs how retirement pay is divided. Go through every item in the petition with your divorce lawyer before forming any response or position.
While doing this, take practical steps to protect yourself financially:
- Collect copies of tax returns, bank statements, retirement account records, and mortgage documents
- Open a bank account in your own name if you do not already have one
- Avoid selling, transferring, or moving shared assets once proceedings have begun
- Do not make large financial decisions without talking to your attorney first
Washington automatically imposes temporary restraining orders once divorce proceedings begin. These prevent either party from dissipating marital assets, and violating them can seriously damage your position in court.
Consider Child Custody and Parenting Arrangements
This process is probably the most intimate part of it when you have kids. There is no default in favor of either parent, and the Washington courts determine parenting arrangements based on the best interests of the child. What the court considers is which arrangement will be the most stable and continuous and will help the child maintain a relationship with both parents.
For military parents, deployment and divorce create real complications.
Visitation schedules, relocation during a PCS move, and custody shifts during active deployment all require careful planning. Pierce County courts are experienced with military family situations, but the parenting plan in your spouse’s original petition may not reflect your actual schedule or your child’s needs. Review it carefully with your attorney before agreeing to anything.
Responding to the Divorce Petition Within Legal Deadlines
Washington law gives you a specific window to file a formal response after being served. If you miss it, the court can enter a default judgment, meaning your spouse may receive everything they requested without the court hearing your side at all.
If you are on active duty and your military obligations prevent you from responding in time, the Service Members’ Civil Relief Act allows you to request a delay through proper legal channels. Filing for divorce while in the military, or responding to one, requires an attorney who understands these protections and how to invoke them correctly from the start.
Avoid These Common Mistakes
People make avoidable errors after being served, and those errors can follow them through the entire case. The most damaging ones include:
- Ignoring the petition because it feels too overwhelming to deal with right now
- Posting about the divorce or your spouse on social media
- Moving out of the marital home without understanding the legal impact
- Making major financial moves without legal guidance
- Assuming the military divorce process works the same as a civilian one
How Kevin G. Byrd Can Help
The Law Office of Kevin G. Byrd has served clients in Lakewood, DuPont, Tacoma, and across Pierce County for decades. The firm handles both standard and military divorce cases, including property division, parenting plans, military divorce benefits, SCRA protections, and residency requirements specific to servicemembers.
Kevin G. Byrd works on a flat-fee basis, so you know your legal costs from the start with no hourly billing surprises.
